I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
