paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just had sex on a roof
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
