This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
