Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize