just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
