It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
