My liver just broke up with me...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize