You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
should my penis look like a turkey
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
