Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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