Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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