Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
