She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
