am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
