He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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