the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
