If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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