Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everyone says I win the strip club
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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