ya dads aren't the best wingmen
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
