Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
