Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize