It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize