I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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