i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
