That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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