Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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