oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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