Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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