you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize