I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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