are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we made out on top of his cat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
