dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
