They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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