just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Life without a bra equals bliss.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
