Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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