I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
