dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
