a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize