That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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