You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
