I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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