I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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