The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We smell like vodka and hangover
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
