You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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