I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
