Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
