Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
