Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
