I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
