you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
