So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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