We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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