i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
