I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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