all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
