my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
