just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
