Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
