Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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