i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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