Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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