Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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