don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
