omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
