Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
