i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
