i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
