Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found the puke drawer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
