My hand turned me down
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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