...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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