i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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