Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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