Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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