Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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