I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
