He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
