he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your penis caused this!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
