Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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