Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
