I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize